Weddings are often referred to as the bride’s big day, but there is someone else back there too, hiding behind the flower arrangements and dusting off his credit cards. He’s called the groom.
Many men are more than happy to let their fiancée take the lead when it comes to wedding planning. But months of decision-making, impossible budgeting, and compromising on dream details can really take its toll if it’s left to just one person. Cue the arguments.
Getting the groom involved in your wedding is important for both of you. You can share the burden of organisation, the budget worries and the decision making, and if you do it right, you can even make it fun. Here are a few tips on how to get the groom more involved.
1. Make big decisions together
When it comes to choosing your venue, your meals, your honeymoon and your theme, you should be in it together. Make a pact that you will do all the important stuff together, or not at all. That means visiting the wedding fairs, deciding on the invites, scoping out locations, tasting menu options and googling package deals to St Lucia. After all, these are the decisions that will affect both of you, so it makes sense that you make them together.
2. Give the groom control
Give him one area (or a few small areas) over which he has complete control. Maybe this is the music, the entertainment, the centrepieces or the drinks. Agree on a budget and a deadline and then just leave him to it. Hopefully he’ll rise to the challenge, and this involvement will definitely make him feel more invested in the day.
3. Start a project together
The trend for crafty, rustic weddings is still going strong, and many couples are choosing to make their own party favours and decorations. This is something you can do together, in bits and pieces during the weekends. Make your project fun, maybe it will involve travelling along the coast to collect pretty shells or shiny pebbles for your centrepieces; or maybe it will get you out into the countryside to pick berries for little party-sized pots of homemade jam, or sloes for the wedding gin.
4. Be open to his ideas
Some grooms may feel that it’s not their place to contribute to the planning of your special day. But the truth is, he has been looking forward to this day too, probably since the first day he met you.
The chances are, your fiancé will have a few ideas of his own but he may not feel comfortable expressing them. Listen to him and be open and receptive to any input he makes, so that he starts to feel some ownership over the day as well. For goodness sake resist the temptation to be a total bridezilla and welcome his ideas and discuss them together as adults.